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Ponyepsyectyotomy

by Coltcrusher

supported by
Hayduke X
Hayduke X thumbnail
Hayduke X Slamming brutal death metal is way, way down the list of genres I'm likely to enjoy, but this is just exceptionally well done. I'm not likely to listen often, given the style, but when in the right mood, I expect this to be a go-to. Favorite track: The Super Fashy Pony Smashy 6000.
Magic Pink Horse
Magic Pink Horse thumbnail
Magic Pink Horse Slamming Brutal Death Metal is not usually my go-to genre but man does this bang! The mix is especially pleasing and the screeching melodies do a good job of combining with heavy chugs and fast blast beats! Definitely brutal as hell but also very well crafted and a good starting point for those wanting to get into the genre through ponies :) Favorite track: Sugarcube Coroner.
jiggy247bp
jiggy247bp thumbnail
jiggy247bp An overall improvement over The Plot Sickens, which is saying something because that release was amazing. The vocals are a solid step up, with more variety and experimentation, and the tone is just more brutal and slammy. Great work, my dude! Favorite track: The Super Fashy Pony Smashy 6000.
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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $5 USD  or more

     

  • T-Shirt/Apparel + Digital Album

    Be the first on your block to show off the first ever Coltcrusher merch, the official LIMITED EDITION Ponyepsyectyotomy t-shirt, fully designed by famed artist Mark Cooper. Expertly screen printed on deliciously comfortable and durable Gildan shirts by Pittsburgh's own Pyre Press, you'll be wearing this one for years to come!

    Only 25 of these will ever be made so get yours while you can!

    Includes unlimited streaming of Ponyepsyectyotomy via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 2 days
    edition of 25  1 remaining

      $15 USD or more 

     

  • Sweet Treat

    A sweet tasty treat taken as evidence from the latest brutal killing at Sugarcube Corner.

    A white fudge covered chocolate sandwich cookie with blood red creme filling awaits any curious buyers. And oh yeah, they've got metal's best band logo printed on them.

    Shipped in individually factory sealed bags inside of a bubble mailer to ensure a clean, fresh, whole product!

    LIMITED EDITION AND LIMITED TIME ONLY! PLEASE DO NOT ORDER THIS IF YOU ARE NOT IN THE UNITED STATES. I will have to refund your order if you do not provide me with an address in the USA for this item. Sorry :(

    Includes unlimited streaming of Ponyepsyectyotomy via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Sold Out

  • Deluxe Pack

    You get both the T-SHIRT and the TASTY TREAT with this purchase. Please view details of those items individually and take note that this is only available to USA addresses! I'm sorry!

    Includes unlimited streaming of Ponyepsyectyotomy via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Sold Out

1.
2.
A treat awaits the coroner Sticky gooey recipe Who went nuts and made this mess And didn't even caramel? Sugarcube coroner How can you measure the hatred Of a murder most killinary? Investigation not so sweet Identify them by a tooth Whipping up a batch or two Soon enough they’ll butcher you! Sugarcube coroner How can you measure the hatred Of a murder most killinary? I have a confection to make Can’t make sense of clues sprinkled throughout Who would be slicing up their friends? Continue to sift through evidence Each and every afternoon Just before their order’s made You can spot the royal guards Execute the plans they made Sugarcube coroner How can you measure betrayal When they were sworn to protect?
3.
Good morning - sun is shining Birds singing - all is right Holiday - I’ve been pining Smashing season - the machine has arrived Rolling into town to bring us all a needed sense of accomplishment Loading fashy ponies mane over hoof into the waiting hungry maw Smashing empty bodies, souls long left, into tiny worthless dust piles Leaving town just as quickly as it came, there are many more towns to see Jiffy Jackboot - pleased to squeeze ya To a pulp - a true role model Pixie Panzer - sheesh it creamed ya Nothing left and yet nothing lost Super fashy pony smashy Straight to your door Super fashy pony smashy Six thousand more Introducing: we’re Slim and Slam We travel near and far Our wagon brings a treasure The garbage is taken out Rolling into town to bring us all a needed sense of accomplishment Loading fashy ponies mane over hoof into the waiting hungry maw Smashing empty bodies, souls long left, into tiny worthless dust piles Leaving town just as quickly as it came, there are many more towns to see Bucky Brownshirt - hope your bones hurt Climb on in, make yourself at home SS Sprinkle - loud your groans were As you died - crushing every bone You were chosen for your actions Force against harmony Love that the community Seized upon this opportunity Rolling into town to bring us all a needed sense of accomplishment Loading fashy ponies mane over hoof into the waiting hungry maw Smashing empty bodies, souls long left, into tiny worthless dust piles Leaving town just as quickly as it came, there are many more towns to see Fash lives don’t matter
4.
All grown up into butchers But feeding us is not your goal Compound packed to the brim with victims May Celestia save your soul Lack of bravery Fill cages with life Innocent, confused Suffering, diseased Eyes filled with sadness and frozen tears Rotting bones beneath their flawless pelt Exist within a den of seclusion Please let us out, let us out But what of your own pelages? You harvest flesh but wish to stay intact You’ve both played god But there is no god at the heart of revenge Where did you think this came from? How did you think this got here? All chopped up into pieces But feeding us is not your fate Casket packed to full with two victims While Celestia turns the other way
5.
Awash in the afterglow of battle My arrival portends unimaginable destruction My departure reveals it Basking in my own victory Can you hear it? The silence that has overtaken the lands of my enemies I have filled, again and again, my great chalice With the blood of those who fell to me Unquenchable lust for annihilation I have sought revenge and found much more The crimes committed against my people The irreparable void in my soul When you took them from us Two sweet innocent crusaders Blood oath we all swore I uphold to you forever and always It didn't have to be this way A forced hand will reach for the nearest weapon Piercing flesh is fierce unrest But it's been settled in our favor

about

Forged deep in the belly of the earth by the crushing tectonic weight of the planet shifting beneath our feet, the latest Coltcrusher release PONYEPSYECTYOTOMY brings a new level of heaviness to Ponyville. Find out who's behind a string of heinous murders at Sugarcube Corner, what happens when Slim and Slam and their kooky machine roll into town, and how tragedy shapes the lives of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

As always, all proceeds from the purchase of this EP and associated merch will go to my local women's shelter. To date, my supporters have helped me donate over $400 to that charity and others. Thank you!!

credits

released October 31, 2021

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Coltcrusher Pennsylvania

Brutal pony death metal

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Your support means support for local organizations which help women, children, and other disadvantaged groups - ALL proceeds are donated

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is dead. Long live My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
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